Better money conversations start with curiosity, structure, and a willingness to learn together.

 

Sheila Schroeder, author of “It’s Time to Talk: A Woman’s Guide to Navigating Money Conversations” joined me on the Get Ready Before Life Happens Podcast to share practical ways to start money conversations and create a safe place to ask questions,  and understand each other’s money stories with partners, parents, siblings, advisors, and family members. 

 

Key Takeaways: 

 

• Money conversations work better when people understand their own money story.
• Couples make stronger plans when both partners are part of the conversation.
• Regular money dates create structure, clarity, and connection.
• Advisors can help by making space for both partners to ask questions.
• Family money conversations work best with listening, calm, and boundaries.
• Talking about money helps loved ones step in when life changes.
• Today is a good day to ask the money question on your mind.

 

Tony’s Take: When families avoid talking about money, they often end up making decisions from assumptions. When they talk with structure, curiosity, and openness, they can make better choices together.

 

 🎥 Watch this episode below: 

 

🎧 Listen to the podcast below or on your favorite podcast app. 

 

Connect with Sheila Schroeder: 

 

• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sheilaschroeder/
• Instagram:  @SheilaSchroederMoneyTalkss

 

Books: 

 

• It's Time to Talk: A Woman's Guide to Navigating Money Conversations (Amazon) 

 

Bio: 

 

Sheila Schroeder is the author of It’s Time to Talk: A Woman’s Guide to Navigating Money Conversations (Wiley, 2025), a practical, step-by-step guide that helps women build confidence in financial management and navigate the money conversations that shape careers, relationships, and long-term security. Drawing on decades of experience in finance, she pairs clear guidance and suggested scripts with real-life stories to help women move past stigma and speak about money with clarity and confidence. 

 

Alongside her writing, Sheila is a Business Development Consultant and Head of Business Development for the West Coast at Wealthspire Advisors, where she connects clients with the firm’s expertise to build thoughtful, values-aligned financial strategies. She brings more than 25 years of financial services experience and regularly leads financial literacy workshops and speaks on financial empowerment. 

 

👉 Start Your Financial Readiness Plan: A free, practical plan that helps you create your in-case-of-emergency Financial First Aid Kit, organize what matters, and prepare before life happens. Start Your Free Financial Readiness Plan  https://www.tonysteuer.com

 

👉 Support Get Ready. Become a Get Ready Insider and help keep the Financial Readiness Plan free, support the podcast, trusted resources, and consumer-first financial education. You’ll receive access to the Get Ready Library. Support Get Ready here. www.tonysteuer.com/support

 

 

Transcript

 

 

Tony Steuer:
Money conversations get easier when you know where to start.

Welcome to Get Ready: Before Life Happens. I’m Tony Steuer.

Today, I’m joined by Sheila Schroeder, author of It’s Time to Talk: A Woman’s Guide to Navigating Money Conversations.

Sheila, welcome to Get Ready: Before Life Happens.

Sheila Schroeder:
Thank you, Tony. I’m delighted to be joining you. Thanks for inviting me.

Tony:
I’m glad you could make it. This is a great and very necessary book.

What led you to focus on helping women navigate money conversations?

Sheila:
This is a very personal book.

Every story in it is true.

I wrote it for my 17-year-old self, my 27-year-old self, and my 55-year-old self.

There were so many times in my life when I made mistakes and then figured things out. It would have been so helpful if I could have simply read a book or talked to someone who could help me navigate some of those potholes.

The cover says women, but I really wrote it for anyone trying to navigate their financial life who may feel intimidated by the thousands of books out there.

I wanted it to be accessible.

There’s no jargon.

It’s practical and clear.

If someone is struggling with a financial issue, I want them to be able to open the book, flip to the relevant section, read a few pages, and start to understand what they’re dealing with.

Tony:
One thing I really like is that the book is centered on conversations.

I think that’s something we don’t do enough in the money world.

We may talk with a financial advisor, if we have one, but spouses don’t always talk to each other.

Parents don’t always talk to kids.

Sometimes advisors don’t communicate as well as they could either.

Why did you center the book around conversations?

Sheila:
You’re exactly right.

There are advisors who will talk with you about investments, but they may never ask:

“What does this money mean to you?”

“What do you want to do with it?”

Or a client might say, “My spouse and I are fighting about money,” and suddenly that becomes a very difficult conversation.

The reality is that all of us have different money stories.

We come from different backgrounds.

Then we enter relationships and sometimes have conflict because we assume something is wrong with the other person.

Usually, that isn’t what’s happening.

They simply came from a different money background.

Maybe one person came from a very frugal family.

Maybe the other came from a family where money was spent quickly.

Then they become financial partners and try to make decisions together.

Of course there can be tension.

The way through that is conversation and understanding.

That’s why I talk about things like money dates.

Learn about each other.

Learn about your money stories.

How did your parents handle money?

What did money represent in your home?

As you have those conversations, you often become closer to the person you’re talking with, whether that’s your spouse, parents, kids, or friends.

There are thousands of books on financial fundamentals.

I include enough of those fundamentals so people know what they need to talk about, but this book is really about how to start money conversations and why they matter.

Tony:
Let’s go deeper on that.

Why are money conversations so important?

A lot of people might think, “It’s hard to talk to my spouse about money. Maybe it’s easier to avoid it.”

Sheila:
Then what happens?

I once met a woman who told me she and her husband were planning to retire in five or six years.

I asked, “Do you have a financial plan? Do you know how much money you have to support the life you want?”

She said, “No, my husband and I never talk about money.”

I said, “Are you planning to retire with him?”

She said, “Yes.”

So I asked, “How do you know whether you have enough money if you don’t know what he has?”

It was like a light bulb went on.

She had never really thought about it.

She may have been assuming he was saving a certain amount.

He may have been assuming the same thing about her.

Assumption is not fact.

Maybe they already had enough to retire.

Maybe they needed five more years.

They simply didn’t know because they had never talked about it.

The same thing comes up when adult siblings are helping aging parents.

What can each sibling afford?

What do the parents need?

What role is each person willing to play?

Those conversations may feel awkward, but with practice they don’t have to stay difficult.

Tony:
I like that idea of practice.

I also think these conversations are especially important for women because women tend to live longer, there’s gray divorce, and there’s widowhood.

For women who haven’t been involved in the family finances, how can they start?

Sheila:
It’s interesting, because I’ve heard this from both sides.

A lot of women have told me, “I’ve tried to talk to my husband about money, and he questioned why I was interested or brushed me off.”

Since the book came out, I’ve also met many men who say, “I’d love to talk about money with my wife, but she doesn’t want to.”

They’ll say, “I’d love to share the burden. I don’t know everything. It would be great if we could learn together.”

So while there are certainly women whose husbands resist the conversation, there are also many men who would welcome shared responsibility.

If someone says, “I’ve got this, you don’t need to worry about it,” you might say:

“I know you’ve done a great job, and I’d like to share the burden.”

Or:

“I was talking with friends about how they handle this, and I thought maybe we could try something similar.”

Or even:

“If something happened to you, I’d want to understand what’s going on.”

You don’t have to make it confrontational.

You can start gently.

And if you work with a financial advisor, I think both partners should feel welcome at the table.

The advisor should avoid jargon and make sure both people understand what’s happening.

And the less-engaged partner should also ask for what they need in order to participate.

Tony:
That’s so important.

From an advisor standpoint, there’s a real responsibility to engage both people.

And if someone doesn’t understand something, they need to feel comfortable asking.

A lot of clients don’t want to admit when they don’t know something.

They’ll nod along because they don’t want to be the person who says, “I don’t know what a deductible is,” or “I don’t know what a bond is.”

Sheila:
Exactly.

During my book tour, a woman told me, “I thought I was the only one who didn’t know about money.”

We were in a group of about a dozen people.

As soon as she said that, everyone else started saying, “You’re not the only one. I had to learn too.”

That was such a powerful moment.

A good advisor can help by reaching out before a meeting and asking each person individually:

“What do you want to make sure we cover?”

Your answer may be very different from your spouse’s.

And that’s fine.

The advisor’s job is to create a safe place for both people.

People often say, “I don’t want to ask a dumb question.”

There are no dumb questions.

It’s your money.

The advisor works for you.

Tony:
Exactly.

Even specialists need to remember that.

My background was analyzing insurance policies, and sometimes I had to educate the advisor as well as the client because insurance can be incredibly complex.

That’s why jargon can be so dangerous.

Sheila:
Right.

I’ve had someone ask me, “What is an equity?”

That’s a fair question.

What is a bond?

If nobody has explained it to you, how would you know?

If a doctor tells me something about my Achilles or says they’re going to suture something and I don’t understand the terminology, I need to ask.

It’s my body.

Money is the same.

If you don’t understand and we’re talking about your money, please ask.

Tony:
I love that.

If you don’t understand, please ask.

So let’s talk about money dates.

What is a money date, and how do you recommend people have one?

Sheila:
I like to keep it simple.

A money date is a structured conversation for a structured amount of time around a topic that matters to both people.

Keep it short.

Maybe 90 minutes maximum.

Write down one, two, or maybe three things you want to cover, and keep them related.

If you’re talking about buying a car, stay focused on the car.

Can we afford it?

What’s the budget?

What kind of car do we want?

Don’t be hungry.

Don’t be tired.

That sounds simple, but it matters.

Write down what you want to talk about.

Go for coffee.

Go for a walk.

Make it a pleasant experience.

Set a timer if that helps.

And I believe in having money dates regularly.

If you’re dating someone and the relationship is becoming serious, you’re eventually going to start making financial decisions together.

You may earn different amounts.

You may have completely different financial backgrounds.

Money dates give you a structure for discussing those things.

Maybe you’re going out to dinner a lot and one person isn’t comfortable with the spending.

Maybe you’re planning a vacation.

Maybe you want to buy a home.

Instead of letting those things become emotional conflicts, you create a regular time to talk about them.

Sometimes each person has homework.

“You research this, I’ll research that, and then we’ll come back together.”

It becomes a team sport.

Keep it short.

Come prepared.

Make it enjoyable.

And do it regularly.

Tony:
That’s very similar to how I think about money dates.

The most important thing is that they’re ongoing and open.

And for people in financial services, there can be an added challenge because you may naturally be the person who handles the money in your household.

You still have to bring your partner into the conversation.

It’s also a gift to your partner.

If something happens to you, they can step in.

Sheila:
Exactly.

In every relationship, somebody tends to do more of something.

Someone cooks more.

Someone does more laundry.

Someone may handle more of the finances.

If the person who cooks leaves the relationship through death or divorce, you can probably figure out how to feed yourself.

If the person who does laundry leaves, you can figure that out too.

If the person who handled all the family finances leaves, the learning curve can be very steep.

That’s why both people need to be in conversation about money.

My husband and I are very comfortable talking about it.

It has brought us closer.

Tony:
And that’s an important point.

These conversations are about more than money.

When you talk about your money story, you’re talking about your history and who you are.

Sheila:
Absolutely.

The same thing happens with friends.

Maybe you’re planning a vacation and everyone has a different budget.

You can simply say:

“This is what I’m comfortable spending.”

You don’t have to make excuses.

And I really dislike when someone says, “You can afford it.”

You don’t actually know whether I can afford it.

You may think you do.

But being able to share what you’re comfortable with can build trust.

The same is true with your kids.

If they ask for money, you can talk about what you can afford to give, why you may choose not to give it, or what money means to you.

Those conversations can bring people closer.

Tony:
That leads naturally into another important conversation: aging parents and adult children.

Maybe the adult children need help buying a home.

At the same time, the parents are aging and may need help themselves.

How do families begin those conversations?

Sheila:
One way is to start indirectly.

Let’s say you think your dad needs help, but he’s proud and has never asked you for anything.

You could say:

“Dad, I was talking with a friend who’s helping his father. What do you think he should do?”

You’re asking your dad for advice rather than immediately confronting him about his own situation.

That can open the door.

Then maybe later you say:

“Do you think any of that applies to you?”

Or:

“Is there anything I can help you with?”

Asking someone for advice can be a great way to begin a difficult conversation.

Another issue is siblings.

Maybe everyone agrees that Dad needs help, but nobody agrees on who should do what.

One person says, “You make more money, you should pay.”

Someone else says, “I can’t afford it.”

Someone else may have a difficult relationship with the parent and doesn’t want to participate.

Families can really struggle at the intersection of aging and money.

You need to make sure everyone feels heard.

Sometimes people need to vent before they can have a productive conversation.

Listen first.

Then work toward a solution.

And keep trying.

You may not get the outcome you want, but you’ll know you made the effort.

Tony:
That phrase really stands out:

Families can fall apart at the intersection of aging and money.

There are so many emotions involved.

And you can’t force a sibling to provide care or money.

At some point, you have to ask:

What’s the workable plan?

What are my boundaries?

Sheila:
Exactly.

People have different boundaries and different histories.

Someone may say, “I can’t afford to help.”

Someone else may say, “I don’t want to help.”

That’s their prerogative.

If you’ve asked and the answer is no, now you know the facts.

Then you can ask:

“What does that mean for me?”

“What can I afford?”

“What can my family realistically do?”

Then you can have a more direct conversation with your parent.

“This is what I can do. How do we work within that?”

Tony:
And time matters too.

Women still do a lot of informal caregiving.

Someone may be 45, raising a teenager, building a career, and helping an aging parent.

That’s where boundaries become even more important.

Sometimes you simply have to say, “I can’t do everything.”

Sheila:
Absolutely.

And one tool I include in the book is a checklist around life transitions, financial transitions, and family transitions.

Each person can complete it independently.

Then you compare answers.

Maybe I check three things.

My spouse checks four different things.

My sister checks five others.

Then we come together and say:

“Oh, I didn’t realize that was going on for you.”

It surfaces the issues.

Once they’re visible, you can start talking about solutions.

And sometimes it helps establish boundaries.

“This is what we can afford. Full stop.”

Tony:
That’s really helpful.

Every sibling has their own money story.

The parents have theirs.

All of that comes into the decision.

So Sheila, to wrap up, I have the Get Ready Hot Take Trio.

What’s one myth you’d like to break about money and money conversations?

Sheila:
One myth is that it’s too late to start.

People say:

“I don’t have enough saved.”

“I haven’t done enough.”

“It’s too late.”

It’s almost never too late.

And if there’s a money question you’ve been avoiding, today is as good a day as any to start looking for the answer.

Tony:
I love that.

Let’s get out the time machine.

What advice would you give your younger self about money conversations?

Sheila:
Don’t be afraid.

Don’t be afraid to have the conversation.

Learn together.

Tony:
I like that.

And you didn’t even use the word money.

That matters because these are really conversations about life.

Money is simply one part of them.

Sheila:
Exactly.

Money is a tool.

We don’t usually fight about how to use a screwdriver or a hammer.

People fight all the time about how to use money.

So learn how to use the tool together.

Share knowledge.

And try to reduce some of the emotion around it.

Tony:
So to close, what’s your number-one tip to change the way we think about money conversations?

Sheila:
Don’t be afraid, and have some structure.

Think about what you want to say.

Break it down.

And practice.

Practice with a trusted friend.

If you’re nervous about talking to your dad, ask a friend:

“Will you play my dad?”

Role-play the conversation.

Let them push back.

Let them object.

The more you practice, the less flustered you’ll be when you have the real conversation.

Say it out loud.

You may hear yourself and think:

“I’m not going to say it that way.”

Or:

“That actually works.”

Comedians do the same thing.

They practice material in front of audiences because they need to hear how it lands.

Difficult money conversations work the same way.

Find someone you trust.

Say it out loud.

Practice what you want to say.

It will almost always go better with a little preparation.

Tony:
That really hits home.

I’m giving a presentation tomorrow.

I had written it out and thought it was great.

Then I read it aloud and realized parts of it didn’t flow at all.

You don’t always know until you say something out loud.

That’s great advice.

Sheila, where can people learn more about you and pick up a copy of It’s Time to Talk?

Sheila:
You can find It’s Time to Talk through your local bookstore. If they don’t have it, they can order it.

It’s also available on Amazon.

You can find me on Instagram at Sheila Schroeder Money Talks, and I’m on LinkedIn as well.

Tony:
Fantastic.

For everyone watching and listening, there’ll be links in the show notes.

Sheila, thanks for a great conversation.

Sheila:
Thank you, Tony. It was really fun to chat with you.

Tony:
I really appreciate your time and insights.

And thank you, everyone, for tuning in to Get Ready: Before Life Happens.

If something today changed the way you think about money conversations, please share the episode and subscribe.

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Because when life happens, the way you think about money matters.