Joy Slabaugh, CFP joined me in part 2 of this conversation to talk about how advisors and advocates can thoughtfully respond when they suspect a power imbalance is shaping financial decisions.

 

🔹 Financial abuse is controlling someone’s ability to acquire, use, or maintain economic resources.
🔹 Advisors should be curious and let clients describe their experience in their own words.
🔹 Focus on agency and access rather than labeling abuse directly.
🔹 Never explore sensitive concerns in front of a potentially controlling partner.
🔹 Separate meetings can safely surface power imbalances.
🔹 Move at the client’s timing and give options rather than directives.
🔹 Familiarize yourself with local resources so you can anchor support when needed. 

 

Tony’s Take: When we listen first and protect agency, we create a safe space where clients can find clarity and options on their own timing.

 

 🎥 Watch this episode below: 

 

🎧 Listen to the podcast below or on your favorite podcast app. 

 

Connect with Joy Slabaugh, CFP®: 

 

Website: https://joyslabaugh.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joyslabaugh/

 

Bio: 

 

Joy Slabaugh is a Certified Financial Planner™ professional, licensed therapist, and educator specializing in the psychological and relational dynamics of wealth. With advanced degrees in taxation and mental health counseling, she bridges the gap between financial strategy and human connection, helping high-net-worth individuals, couples, and financial advisors navigate the complexities of wealth with greater clarity, purpose, and impact.

 

Joy’s expertise spans wealth management, behavioral finance, and advisor training, equipping financial professionals with the relational skills needed to build trust and deepen client relationships. She also works directly with ultra-high-net-worth individuals, guiding them through the emotional and identity challenges that often accompany significant wealth.

 

A sought-after speaker, consultant, and industry thought leader, Joy has worked with top financial firms and private clients, reshaping the way people think about money beyond numbers. Her work challenges the traditional wealth narrative, offering a more human, values-driven approach to financial decision-making. Whether through keynote talks, advisor coaching, or client consulting, Joy empowers people to align wealth with impact, ensuring their financial success creates lasting fulfillment and meaningful change.

 

👉 Start Your Financial Readiness Plan: A free, practical plan that helps you create your in-case-of-emergency Financial First Aid Kit, organize what matters, and prepare before life happens. Start Your Free Financial Readiness Plan  https://www.tonysteuer.com

 

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Episode Transcript

This transcript has been lightly edited for clarity.

Tony: Recognizing financial abuse is the first step, and we covered that in the first part of this special two-part episode with Joy Slabaugh.

The second part is knowing how to respond.

And knowing how to respond can change someone’s life.

Welcome back to this special two-part episode of Get Ready: Before Life Happens.

I’m again joined by Joy Slabaugh to continue the conversation.

Joy, welcome back.

Joy: Tony, it’s so great to be back. Thanks for having me.

Tony: Just in case someone missed the first part of the conversation, could you share a brief overview of your origin story again?

Joy: Sure.

I was raised in a cult that used money to control people.

I did not have access to money when I was young through the cult, and that made me really curious about money and its connection to power.

When I got out of the cult and became an adult, I thought, “How can I get access to money and power?”

I went into the financial planning industry.

As I succeeded in my career, I worked with very wealthy individuals, including nine-, 10-, and 11-figure clients.

I saw how closely money and power are tied together, and also how money can be used either to help or to harm.

Eventually, I made a career change and became a therapist, where I worked with survivors of domestic violence and sexual abuse.

Then I realized I was still talking about money.

This thread of money and power has been woven throughout my entire career.

Today, I combine those two careers.

I work at the intersection of money and emotions.

I help advisors and high-net-worth individuals transform how they engage with money, shifting it from a source of stress and isolation to a source of connection, impact, and lasting fulfillment.

Tony: That’s awesome.

Thanks for being here, and I appreciate your openness in sharing your story.

Before we jump into the second part of the conversation, can you give us a brief overview again of what financial abuse is?

Joy: Absolutely.

Financial abuse can cover a wide range of behaviors.

But if you want to sum it up, it’s when one individual controls another person’s ability to acquire, use, or maintain economic resources.

Often there is coercion involved.

There’s an element of one person trying to control someone else and using money or economic resources to do it.

Tony: Definitely.

It can cover a very wide spectrum.

I’d recommend that everybody listen to Part 1 of this conversation to get a better sense of what financial abuse looks like and how broad that spectrum can be.

It isn’t always what you think.

And as you pointed out in the first episode, the numbers are pretty shocking.

About one in five women and one in seven men may experience some form of financial abuse during their lifetime.

Joy: Yes.

And research also shows that 14% of people report experiencing financial abuse in a current relationship, while 22% report experiencing it in a past relationship.

So many of your clients have probably experienced it at some point, and a meaningful number may currently be experiencing it in some form.

Tony: Definitely.

Now that we’ve framed what financial abuse is, what happens when an advisor suspects financial abuse?

What’s the first thing they should do?

Joy: I would really encourage people to get curious.

One thing that’s very important is letting your client use their own words to describe what’s happening.

Introducing the term “financial abuse” may not be something they’re ready or able to hear.

So I really encourage advisors to lead with curiosity.

For example, if you’re working with a couple and you begin to suspect there may be a power imbalance, or you’re wondering whether one person really has a full say in what’s happening, see if you can invite them to meet with you separately.

That can give them an opportunity to talk more openly and freely.

You can bring curiosity and ask questions to understand more.

One of the hallmarks of abuse in relationships is isolation.

Abusers often try to isolate people from other resources and other individuals.

So if the other partner is actually being abusive, they may be reluctant to allow you to meet separately with the partner.

Notice that.

That may be another piece of information suggesting that something more is going on.

And if you suspect financial abuse in a couple, it’s really important that you do not ask sensitive questions in front of the person you suspect may be the abuser.

The abuser could use that information against the person later.

They may also try to isolate the person from you and prevent them from having further access to you.

If the abuser suspects you’re onto them, they may close off an avenue that otherwise could have become a source of support.

Tony: That’s such an important point.

You have to remember that the meeting isn’t happening in isolation.

The victim and the abuser may still be together afterward.

Untangling from abuse can be a long-term process.

You don’t want to pull someone into another room and immediately say, “You’re a victim of financial abuse.”

You have to be compassionate and let them tell their own story.

Joy: Exactly.

One thing I would also encourage advisors to do is make occasional individual meetings a standard practice with couples.

It doesn’t always have to be both people together.

That can be especially valuable if you notice a power imbalance.

Individual meetings can serve you in several ways.

First, you may get much more information when talking to someone individually than when they’re sitting next to a more dominant partner.

Second, if you’re trying to protect yourself from unwittingly participating in abuse, this can be a very good safeguard.

Make it a firm policy.

Then if you notice concerning dynamics, you don’t suddenly have to change the rules.

You can say, “Just a reminder, our policy is that we periodically meet with each of you individually because we want to make sure each person feels heard and gets our full attention.”

That gives both people an opportunity to speak individually without signaling that you suspect something.

Tony: That’s a great practice because it doesn’t suddenly throw up anybody’s defenses.

People notice changes in rhythm and patterns.

If it’s already your standard practice, it feels normal.

How do professionals avoid unintentionally escalating risk when abuse may be present?

Joy: There are two parts to that.

The first is that abuse can be very hard to identify.

When people are currently in abusive situations, it may be difficult even for them to name what’s happening.

It usually isn’t as simple as, “They did this, this, and this.”

The person may also have done many loving or wonderful things.

That makes it very hard to recognize that abuse is happening.

So one of the biggest things I would recommend is being very careful about using charged terms like “abuse.”

Even if you’re speaking privately with someone you suspect may be experiencing abuse, that term can alienate them.

I actually encourage advisors not to use the term “financial abuse” directly with their clients.

Instead, ask about the elements of what you’re seeing.

Imagine if I said, “Tony, I’m concerned you might be financially abused.”

You might immediately feel shame.

“What do you mean? I’m a financial professional. How could I be abused?”

That can bring up big emotions and make it easier for somebody to reject the messenger.

Instead, ask questions such as:

“Do you feel like you have access to money when you need it?”

“How much agency do you feel around your finances?”

Those questions let people describe their own reality.

The second piece is being cautious about inviting emotional vulnerability in front of a partner when you suspect abuse.

When financial abuse is happening, other forms of abuse may also be present: emotional, sexual, or physical.

You may never know about those.

Research shows that when violence is present in a relationship, couples therapy can actually be harmful because information revealed in that vulnerable setting can later be weaponized by the abuser.

Financial planning isn’t couples therapy, of course.

But there can still be a lot of emotional vulnerability in the financial planning process.

So if you suspect abuse, be very careful about encouraging deep emotional disclosure in front of the partner.

Separate meetings can help protect the person from revealing something that could later be used against them.

Tony: I think that’s really important.

When actual abuse may be present, specialist support may be needed.

This isn’t something you should simply jump into.

You shouldn’t be afraid to observe or try to help, but you do want to make sure you aren’t making the situation worse.

That leads into the next question.

What is the advisor’s role?

Joy: I think there are three things.

First, you can be a safe person.

Second, you can skillfully use questions to help someone explore what’s happening.

Third, you can help them access resources.

Let me start with being a safe person.

One of the ways abusers maintain control is by cutting people off.

Sometimes the only person the victim has regular access to is the abuser.

Everything has to go through that person.

If your client’s name is on an account, however, you may have a legitimate reason to communicate with them periodically.

That gives them an opportunity to leave the house, come to your office, or interact with another trusted person.

You can become an anchor in the storm.

The next thing is helping them explore the impact of what is happening.

It is not our place to say, “You’re being abused and you need to leave.”

You do not want to tell someone to leave.

You do not know their reality.

And the most dangerous time for many people in an abusive relationship can be when they try to leave.

So you use questions rather than directives.

Tony: Let’s go through those questions.

Joy: First, get permission.

You could say:

“I see my job as helping you put your money to work for you. I’d like to understand the ways your money is or isn’t working for you right now. Would it be okay if I asked you some deeper questions about that?”

Permission matters.

Otherwise, someone may become defensive, give short answers, or try to deflect.

Once you have permission, you can ask:

“How confident do you feel in your ability to access money when you need it?”

That’s actually a useful question for all clients, not just people you suspect may be experiencing abuse.

If they don’t feel they can access their money easily, that’s already something you may be able to help improve.

Another question is:

“The arrangement you and your partner have with your finances, how does it benefit you? How does it benefit your partner?”

There may be arrangements that look unequal from the outside but are actually balanced in ways you don’t immediately see.

This question gives you more context.

You can also ask:

“Where is this arrangement hard for you? Where is it hard for your partner?”

Again, that can reveal power imbalances, but it can also simply help you serve clients better.

Another question I recommend is:

“If you had a magic wand and could change anything about how finances are managed in your household, what would you change?”

Inviting that kind of magical thinking gives people permission to say what they truly wish could be different, even if they don’t believe it’s possible.

These questions help you understand whether there are power imbalances.

They also create an opportunity for the person to share what they want to share.

And that helps you become a safe person.

If somebody tells you, “I’m concerned that I don’t have access to my money,” or, “I don’t feel like I can talk about this with my partner,” it’s important that you protect that confidence.

You don’t take that information back to the partner you now suspect may be abusive.

That’s part of maintaining your role as a safe person.

Then the third thing is helping them access resources.

I strongly recommend advisors do some research and identify local resources for people experiencing abuse.

There are nonprofits and agencies in many communities.

Familiarize yourself with them before you need them.

The resources someone needs may range from a support group to housing assistance or other services.

And because you understand the financial systems better than many clients do, you may be able to help them understand how to access their own resources safely.

When people stay in abusive situations, finances are often a major reason.

An advisor can be in a position of significant influence because you understand how financial systems work and can help clients navigate them.

Tony: That’s a great list.

I want to reiterate something you said.

There may be dimensions beyond the financial abuse itself.

So you want to be careful about how you address it.

If you feel like you’re outside your comfort zone and you work for a larger organization, there may already be people within the organization who can help you locate resources.

If you’re a solo practitioner or financial coach, there are nonprofits and agencies that help people experiencing abuse.

For elder abuse in particular, there are often government agencies or services that can help.

Do what you can, but don’t exceed your own level of competence or act rashly.

If you’re listening right now and suddenly think, “I’m thinking about the Smiths. I wonder if Mrs. Smith is experiencing financial abuse,” take a moment before you jump into action.

Think about how you can become a resource.

Joy: That is such a good point.

I’m glad you raised it.

When you’re working with people experiencing abuse, it is very important to let them lead on timing.

When we witness abuse, many of us get really fired up.

“This is terrible. It shouldn’t be happening.”

We may want to step in and take action for someone.

That can actually make them less safe.

So when you take action, it should be with their agreement.

And make sure you’re not coercing them either.

You’re in a position of power.

You may be able to influence them to agree to something they don’t truly want to do.

We need to let go of the idea that we have the best solution.

Meet clients where they are.

Hear them out.

Explore with them what makes sense for them and what will actually be helpful.

Tony: That’s powerful.

That gets directly into the question of overstepping.

What would you tell advisors about making sure they stay within their scope?

Joy: There are a couple of dimensions to overstepping.

The first is moving faster than the client wants or moving in a direction the client does not want.

One way to protect against that is to give clients options.

You might say:

“I know it may feel like you don’t have many options right now. I see part of my job as helping you identify options if you want them. Would you like me to help you explore some?”

Maybe they don’t want options yet.

Maybe they just want to be heard and have one safe person they can trust.

If they do want options, give them choices.

Ask which option feels best to them.

Help them explore those options.

It can be easy to want to ride in on the white horse and save someone.

But we can end up recreating the exact dynamic we’re trying to help them escape.

We become another person saying:

“No, this is what you need to do.”

“You need to open this account.”

“You need to do that.”

It’s really important to step back and recognize that this person is the expert on their own life.

Their best chance of getting through the situation safely is to use their own knowledge of their circumstances.

Our job is to show up and support them where we can.

But we need to let them lead.

Another piece of staying within your scope is recognizing the emotional impact this work can have on you.

Working with people experiencing financial abuse can take a significant emotional toll.

It’s important for advisors to get the care and support they need.

That can also protect you from getting pulled into doing more than you should.

If you notice yourself feeling a strong urge to do something above and beyond what you would normally do for a client, pause.

Notice that feeling.

Check in with your own support system.

That might be a coach, therapist, professional peer group, mastermind group, or another trusted resource.

Give yourself some space.

When we feel intense urgency, there may be something going on underneath the surface that we aren’t consciously aware of.

That’s when we can get pulled outside our scope.

Tony: Before we wrap up, there’s one other question I think is very important.

When should an advisor consider reaching out themselves to law enforcement, an elder-abuse agency, or another appropriate authority?

Joy: Every jurisdiction will have its own mechanisms and reporting rules, so advisors need to understand the requirements where they practice.

For older adults, there are often agencies specifically focused on elder abuse.

You can contact the appropriate agency, describe what you’re observing, learn what reporting obligations may apply to you, and ask what resources are available.

For adults who don’t fall within elder-abuse protections, the system may look very different.

And involving law enforcement can sometimes make a situation more dangerous.

So when there isn’t a legal reporting requirement, I would be very cautious about taking action without the client’s involvement.

Ideally, have these conversations face-to-face in a safe setting.

If you’re meeting virtually, remember that you may not know who else is in the room or within hearing distance.

Put the client in the driver’s seat.

Give them options.

Ask:

“Would it be helpful if we explored contacting law enforcement?”

“Would it be helpful if I helped you find a local resource?”

They may say no.

Believe them.

If they say yes, talk through what that might look like and how they would like you to help.

Collaborate wherever possible.

Tony: That’s great advice.

For everybody watching and listening, I know this has been a heavy episode.

Hopefully, you learned something that can help you make a positive difference in someone’s life.

Sometimes helping requires restraint.

It doesn’t always mean jumping in.

I’ve done first-responder training, including some training with the fire department.

One thing they teach is that when firefighters arrive at a scene, they don’t simply run straight into the fire.

They stop.

They look at what’s happening.

They communicate.

Then they make a plan of attack based on the situation and the resources available.

I think we can apply something similar here.

Understand the situation.

Understand the resources.

Know your role.

And then decide how you can help.

Would you add anything to that?

Joy: I would add that I’m also a resource.

There aren’t many CFP professionals who also understand the therapy world, domestic violence, and the impact abuse can have.

That puts me in a pretty unique place at the intersection of those fields.

On my website, I have a Calendly link where people can schedule a short consultation.

If you’re concerned that you may be working with a client where abuse is happening, you’re welcome to reach out.

We can have a conversation, and I can help you think through what resources might make sense for you and your client.

I also have a group for advisors where we meet twice a month and talk through challenging client cases.

If that kind of support would be helpful, you can find information about it on my website.

Tony: Fantastic.

That leads perfectly into the final question.

Where can people learn more about you and connect with you?

Joy: My website is JoySlabaugh.com.

Slabaugh is spelled S-L-A-B-A-U-G-H.

You can also find me on LinkedIn.

Tony: Fantastic.

For everybody watching and listening, as always, there will be links to Joy’s website and LinkedIn profile in the show notes.

Joy, thanks for coming back and sharing your insights in the second part of this conversation.

Joy: Thanks for having me, Tony. It’s been a pleasure.

Tony: And thank you, as always, to everyone tuning in.

If you learned something today that changed the way you think about money and how you’re seeing these dynamics with your clients, please be sure to share this episode and subscribe.

You can also go to my website at TonySteuer.com to receive my newsletter and join the Get Ready Movement.

Because when life happens, the way we think about money matters.